It is so scary to me that a guy can destroy months and months of work of making yourself a happy, strong, independent woman in a matter of seconds. It makes me feel so weak and helpless. I do think having romantic feelings for somebody is a beautiful, beautiful thing. But at the same time, going through the same meaningless pattern of relationships over and over again isn't so beautiful. I meet a guy, he likes me first, I like him last, one or two get hurt, months of rebuilding, I'm in a good place, I meet another guy, he likes me first, I like him last. When is it ever going to end? Really. I'm not in any means saying that I am searching for "the one", I'm just tired of being with the "wrong one". I'm constantly finding myself compromising my standards because I met someone who can actually make me feel something unlike every other dude I meet. Just because it feels good, doesn't mean it is good. Just because it's what I want, doesn't mean it is what I need. But this is all pointless, because I seem to be incapable of making decisions based on my head instead of my heart. 

I'm different from a lot of other girls, and I want somebody special. I don't want somebody who is going to blend in with everyone at the party. They're all drinking the same beer, smoking the same weed, talking the same way, with the same look on their faces. That's not special to me. So whenever I do see a guy simply sitting in his own comfort, sober, holding a non-alcoholic beverage in his hand, still having the time of his life, I am instantly, and I mean instantly, attracted to him. 

I need to stop settling.