Typical Tuesday

Well not really typical if you ask me, just another long day in a week. To be honest, I can't even focus right now. I hear people having conversations, but most of their talking is being overshadowed by the loud noise of the coffee machine. I'm smelling the cold stale air and I have the after taste of coffee in my mouth. Vanilla creme coffee to be exact. I'm not a writer, nowhere near it, but it almost feels like my train of thoughts could make a book. A weird, yet interesting book. I wonder too much about the world. About people and their lives, and even about myself. I think the most complicated thing on this earth is me. I have lived inside of this body for seventeen years and I still have no idea what goes on inside of my head. I can't quite figure myself out and I don't think anybody will ever be able to. I keep in more than people think and the things I do express don't really matter. I take that back actually. Last week I said something that some people will never hear coming out of their lips. Something that people don't say enough, and something that people say too much. A cliche almost. Three words that can change a life. I'm not one to say I love you to just anyone. To my friends, yes, but not to a boy. Feeling something I can't control frightens me. And actually expressing those feelings turn my stomach into a pit of butterflies, not the good kind though. The kind that you get when you are anxious and scared. Mostly scared to get hurt. Love shouldn't be such a scary feeling. I don't exactly know what is wrong with me, but it must be something.